Computer Life 1996 January/Computer Life January 1996.iso/paccess/taglines.pa

Text File | 1995-11-06 | 13.4 KB | 250 lines

186,000 miles/sec. 'eh?, so what's the speed of dark...
1st rule of intelligent tinkering - save all the parts.
48% of all accidents is just about half of all accidents.
69% of those polled felt polls ask trivial questions.
A cat is always on the wrong side of the door!
A cat is only domestic so far as suits its own needs.
A cat's tail will tell you more than you think!
A child on the way? Isn't that a classic example of overachieving?
A clean desk is a sign of a -sick- mind.
A collective derriere. How interesting.
A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain.
A dream is a wish your heart makes, when you're fast asleep.
A few more like you, Vir & The Republic will efficient itself to death.
A filker is a person who messes with songs...
A generation which ignores history has no past--and no future.
A good catchword can obscure analysis for fifty years.
A great many open minds should be closed for repairs.
A hen is the egg's way of creating another egg.
A knavish speech sleeps in a foolish ear. --Shakespeare.
A lesson in the cold, hard facts of life.
A Liberal is one who has both feet planted firmly in air.
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...
A lot of true wisdom is found in taglines.
A man's idea of helping with house work... lifting his legs.
A mother-in-law dies only when another devil is needed in hell.
A movement is accomplished in six stages and the seventh brings return.
A pacifist male is a contradiction in terms.
A pen may run to water, but a pencil must be lead.
A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits.
A simple yes would have sufficed. --Picard.
A tree never hits an automobile (except in self-defense).
Accept Jesus as my personal savior? That'd be selfish!
Adolescence prepares parents to welcome the empty nest.
Adolescence: When kids tell their parents the facts of life.
Advice is cheap; you can take it from me.
Ahhhh yes... a little intrigue... a little wine... a lotta bull....
Alan Greenspan: Full employment causes inflation. We can't have that!
All marriages are happy. It's the living together afterward that's rough!
All men are alike, they have different faces so we can tell 'em apart.
All men are created unequal.
All of my REALLY good tag lines are one character too lon
All one has to do is pay taxes, die and upgrade their PC systems...
All right! Who's been putting pita bread in the disk drive?
All the time she's smiling, you know you'll be on your knees tomorrow..
All the world's a stage... Now it's intermission!
Always tell her she's beautiful, especially if she isn't.
Am I half crazy, or half sane? And do I really care?
An optimist invented an airplane; a pessimist a parachute.
And lead us not into temptation - we'll find it ourselves...
And learn of many things so the mind and body couple!
And the list keeps growing and growing and growing....
And the Prince and Princess lived happily... well, for eleven days..
And the Universe will explode later for your pleasure.
And then she will go and put some sweet little thing like hugs in...
And thus we are all connected in the great Circle of Life.
And we are put on earth... That we may learn to .... love. --Blake.
And your wise men don't know how it feels to be thick as a brick.
Anger is one letter short of danger.
Any man who would hit a poor, defenseless modem is the lowest of scum!
Anyone can win, unless there's a second entry.
Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human.
Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never lived with a cat.
Are you coming quietly or do I need ear plugs?
Are you with the bride or the failure.
Armegeddon: The day the earth finally gets sick of us....
Assassination: The most extreme form of censorship.
At the top of the food chain sits chocolate.
Atheist (n): One who doesn't want to know the Truth about Life.
Automatic simply means it can't be fixed
Automating: A couple making love in a car.
Awright, hold it... where's the mutant repellent?
Bachelor: One who never Mrs. a girl.
Bad day: Blind date turns out to be your ex-spouse.
Bad day: It only rains on your foursome.
Bad day: Kids put crazy glue in your Preparation H.
Bad day: Phone number on the restroom wall is yours.
Bad day: Takes longer to get over sex than to have it.
Bad day: The blood pressure cuff explodes.
Bad day: The dog licks the mailman and bites you.
Bad day: When airline food starts to taste good.
Bad day: When Dad dates your steady.
Bad day: When Mom approves of the one you're dating.
Bad day: Your birthday cake collapses under all the candles.
Bad day: Your mother-in-law comes to stay....
Bad judgment + experience + luck = good judgment.
Been so long since I've had sex, I forget who get's tied up.
Beer bellies: great waist.
Being a LIBERAL is its own punishment.
Being insane isn't bad when you consider the alternatives.
Believe in your dreams and someday your rainbow will come shining thru.
Birth: The first and direst of all disasters.
Bits, Bytes, Bauds ...Can't live With, or Without!
Boldly going forward 'cause we can't find reverse!
Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate!
BREECH BIRTH: Rear Entry.
Bureaucracy: That place always in need of a laxative
Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you. --L. Long.
CHASTITY BELT: A labor-saving device.
Climate is what we expect. Weather is what we get. --L. Long.
Come on Honey..it doesn't hurt I promise!
Confucius say, Never raise hands to children! It leave groin exposed.
Conserve air: breath less.
Danger Computer store ahead....hide wallet.
Death and taxes are both certain, but death isn't annual.
Death is Nature's way of saying It's too late to slow down.
Death, doom and destruction loom... oops - wet pants...
Death: Life's way of telling you you've been fired.
Death: Natures way of saying, Gotcha!
DO IT WITH LOVE AND IT WORKS OUT BETTER THAN EXPECTED.
Do not believe in miracles ── rely on them.
Do unto others as they would do unto you ..... but do it first!
Don't be sexist - chicks hate that.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do...but if you do, take pictures.
Don't force it! Get a bigger hammer.
Don't get rid of women...what would I do if I get horny?
Don't put off till tomorrow what you can avoid indefinitely.
Double your pleasure, Double your fun. Xerox your pay-cheques.
Dying's easy; it's living that's hard!
Eat healthy, stay fit, and die anyway...
Even in laughter the heart may ache, and joy may end in grief.
Every Mother is a Working Mother!
Every person is the architect of his own fortune.
Every problem contains its own solution.
Every problem is simple... if it's not mine.
Every time I turn my computer on, nothing else gets done.
Everyone needs access to a good: car mechanic, doctor and a lawyer!
Exam is a four-letter word for torture...
Experience is the comb life gives you after you're bald.
Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
Facts, though interesting, are in my opinion irrelevant...
Familiarity breeds contempt- and children.
Fantasy is what we want reality to be.
Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life
Fate is just the weight of circumstances...
First a cup of tea -- then we set off for adventure.
Footprints in the sands of time are never made by sitting down.
Give them time. It hurts much less to forgive than it does to regret.
GIVE UP: To let your children run amok.
Go ahead and leave. See if I care.
Go ahead. Forgive your enemies. That really pisses them off.
God created women 'cuz sheep can't cook...
God must be female, a male God doesn't put testicles outside.
God said after he created Adam, I can do better.
Golf is a walk, spoiled.
Good girls go to heaven - Bad girls go everywhere
Grandchildren: God's reward for not strangling your own children.
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
Hang patience - life's too short!
Harver's Law: A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
Helicopter pilots don't fly - they just beat the air into submission.
Hell must be full, the damned are working in tech support.
Hell: Nice for a visit, but you wouldn't want to spend eternity there.
Help me! (and don't ask questions just do it)!
Help! I've fallen and can't reach my beer!
Holy acrimony is another name for marriage.
Housework seldom kills -- but why take chances?
HOW TO BEAT STRESS, Forget the diet center and send yourself a candygram.
Humor and sex bear this similarity: Don't use it, you lose it!
Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
I am not an alcoholic, I simply enjoy living in a liquid medium.
I am sending this message just to see if you get it
I bite harder ...
I came, I saw, she conquered. (The original Latin was garbled.) --L. Long.
I do know *everything*....but I'm sworn to secrecy!
I DO know it all; I just can't remember any of it right now.
I don't believe in miracles, I rely on them
I don't care what you think of me, so long as it's favorable.
I hate four-letter words: Wash, Cook, Dust, Iron...
I have good news and bad news. The bad news is there is no good news!
I haven't lost my mind, it's backed up on disk somewhere!
I live in a quiet neighborhood --We use silencers.
I live in my own world ... Peaceful visitors welcome.
I love the women's movement...especially from behind.
I may have been born at night, but it wasn't last night.
I may not always be right - but I'm never wrong!
I still miss my ex-wife, but my aim is improving!
I thought about being born again, but Mum said no.
I'd be unstoppable, if I could only get started.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all the evidence you have...
If sex is a pain in the ass, I'm sure you are doing it wrong!
If this is hell, where's the lawyer?
IMMATURE: Anyone who argues with a 2 yr old (and loses).
It's okay to laugh during sex - just don't point.
Jargon is used as a means of succeeding by, not simplifying.
Ladies please keep (.)(.) off the bar.
Life is a bed of roses, full of Pricks.
Life's a bitch and then you marry one.
Love is a matter of chemistry; sex is a matter of physics.
Make everyday like your last day on Earth : A lot of whimpering and crying!
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
MASCULINE: Unable to cope with dirty diapers.
Maybe God is a kid with a chemistry set.
Mistress: something between a mister and a mattress.
Most men expect: Her favorite expression will be, What can I do for you, Dear?
Most men expect: She will love you because you're so sexy.
Most women expect: He will be a brilliant conversationalist.
Most women expect: He will be a man of emotional and physical strength.
Most women expect: He will be a very hard working man.
Most women expect: He will help his wife raise the children.
My mind is willing, my checkbook is weak.
My wife has this one wonderful trait - she worships me!
Never knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run. He really hates that.
No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up.
No sir, I didn't see you playing with your dolls again!
Normality will be restored as soon as we're sure what it is.
NOTHING is unbreakable... just ask any kid!
Old golfers never die, they just loose their BALLS.
One thing about pain: it proves you're alive.
Only adults have difficulty with child-proof caps.
Pain is inevitable, misery is optional .
Power corrupts, and absolute power... is absolutely divine!
PRIVACY: What childless or very old couples have.
Quick, close your mind! Something might get in.
Radar repaired sir. We're picking up the outline of a... Winabego?
Reach out and touch someone - just be careful where.
RHYTHM METHOD: Baby roulette.
Science asks How?, Philosophy ask Why. And Ferrets don't care much.
Seven-course meal for a man...a hot dog and a six-pack.
SEX is natural, sex is fun, sex is best TWO ON ONE!
SLEEP: What only fathers and bed wetters do soundly.
Some of these are in-jokes...
Statistics - figures used as arguments.
Stealth condoms: she'll never even see you coming...
Sticks and Stones may Break Bones, but Whips and Chains Excite Me!
Still alive and kicking - 'cept, life keeps kicking back!
That would have worked if the rubber band hadn't broke!
The Goddess Loves You! Just don't push it 'til She's had her coffee!
The night will weave its magic spell when the one you love is near!
The three most painful words to any man: Is it in?
There is only one way to console a widow, but remember the risk.
To get a man to do sit-ups, put the remote between his toes.
VASECTOMY: What most men find inconceivable.
We can't stop! Its too dangerous! We have to slow down first!
We're not doing it for money, we're doin it for a SHITLOAD of money!
WEAKER SEX: The kind you have once the kids wear you out.
WEALTH: What you gave up for the joys of child raising.
What do you call a blonde on a waterbed? An off-shore drilling rig.
What he gets: If you get lost, open your wallet...she'll find you.
What he gets: Where there's smoke, there she is...cooking.
What is irritating about love is that it....requires an accomplice.
What's the thinnest book in the world? What men know about women.
When all else fails, take a nap!
When you become senile, you won't know it. --Bill Cosby.
Who needs exercise? I get mine climbing the walls!
Women don't make fools out of men - they only direct the performance.
Women over 40: no yell, no swell, just grateful as hell
Yield to temptation; it may not pass your way again.
You can lead a man to ponder, but you can't make him think.